Tigger Gets Off

Tigger Actor Acquitted of Fondling Teen

Jury takes less than an hour to decide case of Disney World worker

The Associated Press

Updated: 7:12 p.m. ET Aug. 4, 2004

           ORLANDO, Fla. - A Walt Disney World worker who portrayed the character Tigger
          was acquitted Wednesday of charges he fondled a
          13-year-old girl while posing for a photo with the teen and her mother.

The Untold Story

Christopher Robin also came to Tigger's defense, saying the tiger was a bit randy ("It's all part of being 'bouncy bouncy bouncy'...") but never did anything more improprietous than goosing Robin's housecat Mrs. Wiggles.

However, in related news, Calvin's arch-nemesis Suzie is accusing Hobbes and Tony the Tiger of improper advances in a hotel the characters stayed at for a Children's Favorite Animals convention last spring. "It was like the U.S. Navy Tailhook Scandal," Suzie said on an episode of the Jerry Springer show, "I had to run through a gauntlet of fuzzy animals to get to my room, and they were all pawing me, just ... pawing me ... with their paws ... " she said, breaking down in tears in Springer's arms. "The whole time I was screaming, 'I'm not a furry! I'm not into this! Leave me alone!'"

Hobbes denies all allegations on the basis of "Are you kidding? I don't want her cooties!" while Tony would only make the cryptic comment "Theeeeeey're greeeeeat!"

Calvin told reporters "Suzie is just still pissed off because of the bag of dogpoo Hobbes and I set fire to on her porch. Can you believe she stomped out the flames? Whatta moron."

Tigers the world over (including Simba and Kimba) are banding together to fight what they see as a smear campaign against their kind, like this photo originally presented as evidence against Tigger:

The image turned out to be a crude PhotoShopping of two images found on the ‘Net, cobbled together by a weblogger and writer named Shane.

Shane could not be reached for comment, but his spokesperson Widget the Kitty told reporters, "Get over it. It was just a joke. He's a total cat-lover. And the man has no time for conspiracies, he's always cleaning out five litter boxes. Besides, he's just not that smart."